Mindless living

Dear Companions and friends,

Between teaching engagements and various travels, somehow for me May – full and active May – swept right into June…and I hear myself saying, “Now I can slow down.”  Really?  Will I?  Do I even want to?  Isn’t living fast and overfull more interesting?  Isn’t being busy and a bit blurry the preferred, and certainly the affirmed, way to do life these days?  Slowing down – reclaiming regular and ample pauses – can actually be terrifying.  What happens if I have nothing to do?  What happens if I have nothing to acquire or accomplish or prove?  What happens if I cannot outrun my internal voices far too eager to step right in to remind me I’m not good enough, loving enough, safe enough, successful enough, connected enough, extraordinary enough…or…or…or?   Whoa!  As long as I’m busy I don’t need to attend to any of this.  Let’s just get on to the next thing!

Hmmm…I guess mindless living on auto-pilot might sound easier…if that’s actually living.  Sounds instead like it might be more about hiding, dodging, avoiding, fearing, numbing which sounds like and actually is a whole lot more work in the end.  And what about getting to the end yet missing all the textures and details of authentic living along the way, not to mention all the intricate delicacies of oft messy relationships?  And what about missing that still small Voice that speaks healing and grace and mercy and unconditional love I deeply need and ultimately desire?

So here I am.  It’s June and I’m trying to pause and listen more deeply again.  I am trying to reclaim a more spacious pace.  I know it’s not only important…it’s life.  Hmmmm…slowing down certainly involves more than simply turning the calendar.

So be it.

Grace and love to you in this good day,

John