Today in the quiet I struggle with the words, “Remain in my love.” I desire to receive them, to sit in them, knowing they carry the life of Jesus and the power of the Spirit through the Divine God who holds me, whether I believe them or not. The struggle comes in wrestling with the images of all the things I should be doing or should have done. The people, the actions, the thoughts all sweep across the dark screen of my closed eyes. I’m overwhelmed. I should have, could have, would have done it better if I was a better person; these are the statements that flood my conscious mind.
And then I return to “Remain in my love.” God asks me to stay present in the sweet embrace of God’s love. It’s a posture of remaining, regardless if I’m that “better” person or not. I can’t make myself that better person. Sure, I do things better, perhaps learn a few more tools that will be enable me to live more confidently, more responsively, or more effectively. But at the core, I am molded and shaped by God who created me and continues to create me through the power of love.
That intention of sitting for my allotted time was cut short by the sense of futility in my own failure for being “better” at Centering Prayer. Now I chuckle, finishing this written piece I realize that perhaps those images flashing across my mind and infecting my heart can be seen in a new light. Those people, actions and thoughts are held in God’s love, just as I am held there.
Maybe that’s what it means to “Remain in my love.”
Mary Pandiani, Executive Director, Selah